Every Febuary, couples flock to movies, French restaurants, and bedrooms across the nation. Why? If you said "because the groundhog saw its shadow?", go sit in the corner until you smarten up. No, my friends, I'm speaking of the holiday men dred and women love: Valentine's Day. (That's right, a Valentine's post. Let's do this)
Not to brag or anything, but I've been single for a long, long time. This doesn't get me down all the time, but Valentine's is that magic bullet of depression. It wasn't too bad when I was younger, as us schoolmates would trade Ninja Turtle cards and Jolly Ranchers, but I don't get those anymore. Now I get to stay home while my parents go out to dinner at Pizza Hut (or something, I don't know).
The "magic" of Valentine's seeps into everything for weeks. The theatres are jam packed with romantic comedies, tv shows all air the one episode of two people falling in love, and I have to see a flying baby every twelve seconds. Not the coolest holiday. Every year, all I hear from my friends (fellow noncommitters) is how boring the day is, while I'm trying to work up the courage to see if that cute girl down the hall is single.
Now, I'll admit that I've never had a Valentine's "moment", but I have to question the validity of this holiday. First of all, the holiday is at the tail end of winter (season of death in the whole seasons of your life metaphor!), not exactly the most romantic time. The entire thing has been commercialized to death, to the point where its almost as bad as Christmas. And even though people will say I'm just crabby/lonly, I'll go on record as saying that the holiday is so sweet that every year I wonder if I'm going to get diabetes.
I guess that this year will be like the rest, seeing how I have no great romance(at the moment, wink-wink). I look forward to enjoying a night at home with my trusty Playstaiton, waiting for the day to end. Ladies, if you want to prove me wrong, drop me a line. I've got a gift card to the movies burning a hole in my pocket.
(Author's Note: At time of this writing, I'm sitting in the waiting room while my nephew Casey Roberto is being born. Let's hope he doesn't grow as crass as his uncle. And if Kara's reading this, I know it's not match.com, just role with it.)
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Andy, I was extremely entertained by this post. I literally "lol'd," congratulations. I'm going to consider that diabetes comment the next time I buy chocolates, and I am also sad to ask, why don't we all still trade Ninja Turtle cards and jolly ranchers?
ReplyDeleteOh, how times have changed. :)
I think that we should use advisory for something constructive like makeing those paper valetive baskets we use to in art class then tradeing ninja turtles cards, oh wait i forgot reading is more important... and yes andy this was an awesome blog!
ReplyDeleteI think carrie's idea is fantastic!!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I LOVED this post! It was hilarious! I actually read it to my entire first hour Comp class. They couldn't believe someone from ADM had written it! You've got a gift with this style of writing, Andy. And second, I let you guys make Valentines! I try and keep the spirit from when you were in elementary alive!
ReplyDeleteSo entertaining! Wish I had read this before the dreaded V-day... Got VD? Bahaha. Just saying it's nice to have a fellow cynic around, even if you are hopeless and constantly trying to get a date :)
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